Not Sure I Can Do This Anymore...

3 min read

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Neurotic-Idealist's avatar
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For the past few weeks something has been bothering me, and I've deliberated for the past few hours over whether to mention it in a journal, so here it is...

I've decided to take a break from dA that may even turn out to be permanent. I have a few reasons for feeling the way I do, including some that I'd like to keep personal, but one that I feel needs to be mentioned is that I feel I'm alienated from people who I once considered friends here. 
One of my main reasons for staying as long as I have is because of the support network and friendships that I have built in the past four years. And don't ask me, because I won't be naming any names.  
I'd like to think that I've always been appreciated in some way, but at this point I just feel as if I give everything and receive nothing in return. I mean, is it my fault? Have I not paid enough attention to certain people? I'm so tired of things that I feel as if I've been shot down too many times to even want to get back up again...
Sometimes it feels like a betrayal, as if some people have used me to gain favour with certain people, and that hurts more than you realise. I've been used before and swore that I would never be walked over again. 

I seriously give all I can here. If I don't complete a piece of artwork or writing in time, or if I neglect to answer some messages then I'm not going to apologize for it, because I have bigger concerns in my day to day life to be dealing with.
If anybody was unaware, I'm a carer for my disabled and unwell mother. That means that almost every day I'm out running errands or taking her to appointments. Sometimes when I've had a particularly tiring day full of appointments and bill paying and shopping, then I don't feel like doing artwork or writing. By the time I get back to my own house and do what needs done, such as housework or walking my dog, then all I want to do is have dinner and relax before bed. 

I honestly don't know what to say anymore and I'm so frustrated. I'm always the one looking out for everybody else and yet nobody seems to ever wonder how I am. 

I've just had all I can take.
If I don't take a break I'll end up somewhere I never want to go again...

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littleblackmariah's avatar
Your health and happiness should always be your top priority, leave for as long as you need to. I seldom talk to anyone any more because I seldom know what to say, but I get where you're coming from. It'll be fantastic if you do come back, but if you don't then I think all of us will understand. Hope everything works out and take care <3